I watched a video that one of my friends posted on Facebook yesterday. The video showed his eight year old son giving his testimony about accepting Jesus Christ in to his life and his subsequent baptism. Watching the experience brought tears to my eyes, for a couple of reasons. The first reason is because the video depicted a very touching moment in the life of that family. The second reason had a more selfish connotation. The second reason was that I was jealous that my children were born without their hearing. Listening to the young man articulate his feelings about Christ caused me to feel pain for Max and Claire. I know that they have wonderful thoughts and feeling swimming around in their heads, but many times they have trouble sharing and articulating these feelings, ideas or thoughts. How frustrating this must be for them!
Yes, Max is doing well in mainstreamed school, but how much better would he be doing if he was born with the gift of normal hearing? How much more would he enjoy talking to his friends? How many more friends would he have? How much deeper would our conversations be? Would his 80’s and 90’s on his test scores be 95’s and 100’s?
The same feelings hold true for Claire. She is coming along with her speech, but she is so far behind her peers and even where Max was at her age. There is so much going on in that beautiful little head of hers and I just want her to be allowed to let it all out! I know that her social skills will continue to improve, but the process is so tedious and frustrating.
I usually don’t let myself get bogged down with the “what ifs” of life, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Often times, something just touches me and releases these feelings of frustration, pain and even resentment. I wonder why my children have to struggle with the burden of hearing loss. Life is hard enough without added handicaps. It is during these times that I must remind myself that God has a wonderful plan for them. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
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3 comments:
I totally understand. I have felt the same way many times. I keep reminding myself that for some reason it is all a part of God's plan- Romans 8:28
Signing language does help deaf people articulate their feelings to other deaf people. Ask them.
But he will be able to articulate through writing rather he use speech or sign language. I'm deaf but I do not know sign language, but I know people who do.
Just stumbled upon your blog.I too share your feelings.I have totally accepted my daughter's deafness but there are times when you can't help but wonder..what if..
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